Back in May of 1993, fanny pack clinging to my waist, I walked through Disney World wondering why on earth they'd build such a place in the Vietnam climate of Florida. It was hot and violently humid, and I marveled at the fact that the sun felt like it was only eight feet off the ground. I can't recall being more miserable climate-wise. I remember going back to the hotel every afternoon dripping wet, and it hadn't even rained (though it rained literally every single morning like in the Ray Bradbury story The Long Rain).
Every time I saw a Disney character, my thoughts were instantly about the "actor" inside...suffering and questioning life itself (assumption). If my t shirt, shorts, fanny pack (and goofy hat) were literally killing me from heat stroke, what on earth was that poor person feeling being the innards of a loveable Disney character? I don't think I was ever more annoying on this earth, as I said all of the above over and over and over again.
So there we were, walking through the oven-hot park, when I was trying to muster the courage to suggest that we go and see CAPTAIN EO. I am the world's biggest James Horner fan and this strange 3D Michael Jackson film was scored by James Horner. This was back before the internet, so you couldn't watch this thing anywhere else on the earth (that sounds really pathetic). Thankfully I was very convincing (and probably whining). And then there we were, standing in a dark weird room, waiting for CAPTAIN EO to start. I remember feeling ashamed, but also being aware that everyone else in the room felt ashamed. Maybe I was just imagining this.
The movie starts and instantly James Horner's music grabs you as a small asteroid heads for the audience. The music is building and building. The asteroid is rolling closer and closer. Then, thankfully, Captain EO blasts the asteroid. And that's when the gravity of the situation becomes horribly clear. Puppets start shouting, Michael Jackson starts shouting, and I just felt like the biggest dope for insisting that this weird horror of a film be watched (by anyone). It was truly awful. And confusing. It was terrible. And weird.
But the room was icy cold thanks to the world's greatest invention: air conditioning.
Click below for the trailer if you're not up for the full film...
And click here for the full film, and if you're up for some nightmare fuel...
19 comments:
I heard you ordered this film for yourself for Christmas in 4D this year.
Laughing!!!!
Ahahahahaha. I’m dying. This might be your best post EVER.
It's a classic!! I love that it's out there on youtube now.
haha awful.
So awful. And all totally true (every part of that story).
The puppets!!!!!! The robot dancing!!!!!!
Proving once again James Horner just ain’t as good as Alan Menken and Howard Ashman baby, lol!!
Wait. Every part?????
Yeah, Horner definitely ain't as good as Menken and Ashman...he's BETTER.
And no comment about the story details.
But I WILL say this... when in Rome...
Pfffft. Better. They were too busy winning awards to score this trash fest. Lol hahaha
Awards ain't everything!
Horner must have seen some goodness in this project! Maybe on paper it was much more promising?
"Captain EO rises onto the bridge from an unseen floor elevator..."
nah
Lol
haha it's one of the worst things I've ever seen. And it was made in 1986 and shown until 1998. So by the time I saw it, it was already way out of date. Like no one was even wearing fanny packs in it.
Ugh, the evil "Borg" being hit with MJ's energy beams and turning into Solid Gold dancers. I wanted to die.
https://preview.redd.it/346jt9ozn9a21.png?auto=webp&s=d6789d4538da138197925f8bc8baed81c76f6a44
Ugh.
The sheer awfulness of the incessant heat, the mind-melting humidity, the daily thunderstorms, the inexplicable compulsion to see Captain EO against your own better judgement...as a recovering Floridian (more than 7 years clean), can I just say that I identify with every bit of this.
Well, all except for the fanny pack...
I mean not to start shit but, the robot dancers kind of seem like the dancers in Daft Punk videos LOL.
always starting shit.
haha
RM, it was a small-ish and cool fanny pack!
"cool"
Ah, May of ‘93, I remember that hot and humid jungle like day! Welcome to my world, where it’s so humid, your shirt sticks to you before the sun rises.
I remember going to Epcot to see it, and thinking “this is bad- I should take the 3D glasses to make up for it”
Haha that is PERFECT
I just watched labyrinth a week ago and this reminds me of that. There must have been some kind of "let's pair a superstar musician with muppets and see how it goes" movement in the film industry in the late 1980s.
It’s literally the only explanation.
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