Hocus Pocus: Coven

Been seeing folks lament about a remake of HOCUS POCUS withOUT the beloved original cast (thank GOD [please see previous Bette Midler posts/rants]).

What's Worse Than Bette Midler?:

Someone impersonating Bette Midler.

More images here (but why on earth would you click here?).

Behold The Riches Of Smaug's Lair

Advice:  Never assume your coworkers have seen a commercial just because you've seen the commercial a thousand times. 

I like those Lord of the Rings movies about as much as I like Bette Midler.  Well, the first one wasn't that bad, but the second two went and ruined it.  And these new Hobbit movies have me very confused.  I'm too annoyed to google if these last two have anything to do with the book(s), though having never read the book(s), I'm not sure if googling would make anything more clear for me.  I'd probably just get more annoyed.  They seem horrible from the trailers.  Loaded with cartoonish computer animation and packed with cartoonish action.  And their names are strange - The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and The Hobbit:  The Desolation of Smaug.  I'm assuming that anyone who goes to the theater to see these things just says "One ticket for The Hobbit."

Then there's the Denny's restaurant thing.  I've seen a ton of commercials for the Hobbit Menu at Denny's.  And it looks dreadful, and sloppy.  Like if it looks sloppy in the commercial, imagine how it looks in an actual Denny's.

So I assume the world has seen these commercials (and feels the same way about them as I do) and I make a point to walk up to my coworkers and say "Hey, I've been meaning to ask you....how's that Hobbit menu at Denny's?  Is it any good?"  And I expect much laughing and high-fiving, but without fail, my well-tuned joke is met with confusion and the same question: "What are you talking about?"

So then one of my coworkers yells over "Must be the channels YOU'RE watching!" and someone else yells "I bet he's watching the SyFy Channel!"

And there was much laughing and high-fiving.

Click for more information.

Good GOD Do I Hate Bette Midler

Hocus Pocus

I'm the world's biggest Bette Midler fan.
Please change "fan" to "hater."
I'm not kidding.  I'm missing the genes that most people have that are required to like anything about her.  And that Wind Beneath My Wings song is probably the worst thing to happen to mankind.  Ever.

I've avoided this movie as a result of my inhuman hatred for Bette Midler and the horrible way she looks in this movie.  Though I have to admit that I've always thought that Sarah Jessica Parker has never looked better.  She makes a sassy Witch.

So I blame Bette Midler for me not knowing that my favorite film composer James Horner had actually written some music for this film, before he left due to project conflicts (or a hatred for Bette Midler) and handed the scoring job over to someone else.

Click below to hear his music: