Thursday, July 10, 2014

Flick Candles

You love her like no other, and she loves you like a brother.  She wishes every boyfriend could be more like you, but not actually you. You are the pilot of a plane that will never come in for a landing. You, sir, are trapped circling the airspace of the friend-zone.  But that’s okay, because you’ve agreed that neither of you would ever want to mess up your ‘special friendship.’ Lighting our candle sets the perfect mood for a date with her and some other guy. But don’t worry, she’ll tell you all about it later.

Bad weather? Not enough money? Unexpected circumstances? Whatever the cause, it stinks to have a planned vacation suddenly ripped away from you and cancelled. Let us help you air out that attitude with our sweet smelling Cancelled Vacation candle, perfect for filling any room with the wonderful smells of the tropical island you won’t be visiting. Just 52 more weeks of work and you can try again next year!

Good thing you applied to that safety school. This candle has the same crisp smell of a freshly folded letter from the college of your choice, proudly declaring that you should look elsewhere for your education. We hope that burning this candle helps shed some light on a new career path-- or possibly a trade school? While you may be disappointed now, just remember that life is full of disappointment, and this rejection letter is a life lesson, free of charge from a college that doesn't want you.  

More candles here.


Anonymous said...

Wow. I wonder if they have a "Crappy Job" candle..."

Rot said...

smells like sad.

Jeannine520 said...

Stuck in Traffic should join the line - exhaust fumes and the cigarette smoke from the guy two cars up. Of course this one would have a lead wick.

bean said...

I just laughed so hard at that exchange.

MorbidMariah said...

These are hilarious! I would like one called Forced Family Time. Smells like Yuletide, tension, and resentment.

Rot said...

: D

Sara said...

Pretty darn funny.

SaraB! said...

As someone who works in admissions...I NEED that rejection letter candle. *sniffff* ahhh, smells like community college.

screaminscott said...

I needed the friend candle years ago. God, I was pathetic.

girl6 said...

i HATE summer candle.
tears, BO, the smell of bullshit wafting from ALL the cell phone conversing on the street(s).

dear summer
Please GO away & darken my door
NO mother f***ing more.
your : (

yes, i am channeling my inner dorothy parker today.